Compliment them. Tell them your name without stuttering. Don’t talk about mental health. Ask them what they’re majoring in. Hope they are not staring at your scars. Pretend to be confused about an assignment. Stop holding your breath. Breathe. Compliment them again. Ask them what made them so interested in said subject. Don’t talk about mental health. Tell them about your dog. Don’t be awkward. Ask them how they like to spend their time. Pretend you have friends and say you and your pretend friends enjoy that as well. Don’t panic, breathe. Ask them about a significant other. Don’t mention your online relationship is more important to you that ninety percent of people, including them. Hope they are not staring at your scars. Pretend to write something important in your notebook. Ask their opinion on the class. Don’t stare at the floor for so long. Tell them your opinion of the class. When the class is over, say goodbye. Do not run away. Do not fall walking out. Breathe. Survive.
I know you’re scared because you think that once you touch something good in your life that it will crumble to pieces. You think that you’re a complete and utter mess, and if that’s so, than I would be honored for you to by my mess. I know that you think there is way too many logistics involved and that it most likely won’t work out but let me tell you I’m not much for planning, and I have no idea what’s even in Michigan, but I know that traveling to where ever you are will make me the happiest girl in the world. I would be lying to you if I told you that I wasn’t terrified. Terrified of the outcome of what we have, or possibly traveling to see you, how our moms will react. Honestly, I’m scared as hell. But you know what? Life begins at the end of our comfort zones, and that so far has been so true throughout my entire life. I do not regret a single thing I’ve done that terrified me the most. I know without a shadow of a doubt I won’t regret this. You are the one person in my whole life I have clicked with. Completely and totally. Heck, I would even rant to you about my girlfriends and you would go along with it, supporting whatever made me happy. I was blinded for so long by what has been right in front of me for almost four whole months. All I can say is that I’m so lucky to have you message me on Tumblr that day, because it started the most amazing friendship ever. I want you to be comfortable, and I don’t want to push you into something you don’t want to do - but darling a year is a long time (even though we think we’re so wise now haha), and if there’s any chance I could possibly see you before June, then I would love to take it. Even if I have to get a hotel. Even if we’re “just friends” to your mom. Whatever the circumstances, I’m willing to adapt. I just.. I want this to not only feel real in messages or Skype, I want to be able to have actual face to face experiences and memories with your dorky self. I can’t describe in words how much that would mean, and I’m sure you already know because I tell you hundreds of times. You’re amazing.
I’m going to start writing about you here, because these are things I want to tell you but I don’t know how to go about it. So here it goes, and if you see this, even better - so I don’t have to figure out other ways to tell you.
I want to talk to you constantly. I know I’m clingy and annoying but I really feel like we could talk more. Not constantly, but a little more. I want to hear about your day, and tell you about mine.
i want to Skype you. Even if you feel icky, even if you think you look icky. I will always think you are the most beautiful girl in the world. Even if you’re barely awake and feel like shutting everyone out - a second of talking to you means the world to me. I want to be able to sing to you and make you laugh. Write you poems, and long meaningful paragraphs to explain how much I care about you.
Pushing and Pulling. By a girl who has both pulled and pushed too many away.
Hey Salem, I can't find the MHA blog anywhere :( I accidentally clicked unfollow on my phone and now I'm freaking out because I can't find it! Please could you help? X
Of course! Here is a link to it :)